Becoming Radically Authentic: How to make better decisions in your life in 2023
all photos in collages courtesy of equator journal.
Life is riddled with decisions and choices, yet we can cripple ourselves in a rigid perception.
When we behold the world through a rigid lens, we limit our awareness.
Here’s how you can make decisions with clarity, confidence, and connection so that you live your best life now.
By the end of this article you will better understand any constraints in your decision making process as well become better resourced to make more life-giving authentic decisions.
how to find sense of belonging
“What way do I behold the world?”
Your sense of belonging in the world determines how you show up in the world and how you feel within your action.
Your physical expression is informed by your perception.
Decision making is the way in which you translate your self-concept into action.
Is your self-concept enclosed or is there space for it to expand?
Expand your self-concept here.
detachment and decision making
When we become too attached or comfortable with a certain self-concept we become easily separated from the novelties of life.
We begin to make decisions informed by narratives such as,
“You should do this..”
Or,
“you shouldn’t do that..”
“Should” is not your highest timeline.
- Benjamin and Azyra Bequer.
Here is the key to understanding decisions and how to make better decisions.
The energy you put into the decision is the energy you get out of the decision.
For example,
If you introduce anxiety to make the “right” decision into your process, you will measure your decision based upon the amount of anxiety in either hypothetical direction.
The truth is,
We place an intense amount of pressure on ourselves to make what we believe is the “right” decision.
Yes, many people perform well under pressure, but at what cost to your mind, body, and soul?
This can be used to your detriment or to your encouragement.
When you are looking for right and wrong, you will always be met with your idea of right and wrong.
You receive what you are looking for.
The problem lies in the ultimatum.
The psychology behind ultimatums
The ultimatum is the pinnacle of confusion as it represents the enclosure of one’s perception into two diametrically opposed hypotheticals that attempt to ignore the vast unknown of limitless other potential outcomes.
unlimit yourself here.
This is why “should” is not your highest timeline.
Should represent a narrow and limited focus of what you are capable of. It is entirely informed by what you believe you can control.
The ultimatum arises out of the desire to control the unknown.
why do i feel the need to control everything
Now we are getting somewhere.
Where does this desire to control the unknown come form?
Control is only represented when something needs to be protected?
What are you protecting by trying to control the unknown?
In 99.9% of circumstances, control is the expression that protects the gates of our fears.
When you control something, you are attempting to safeguard your fears.
Paradoxically, this keeps alive the very thing that needs to pass.
overcome your fears here!
Creating an ultimatum is a self-inflicted conundrum that gives power to your fears.
Ultimatums often shut out the unknown to try to use logic to justify a clearly undefined hypothetical future.
How often do you create ultimatums in your life? And How do they make you feel?
The way I see it is that we distrust ourselves.
why do i distrust myself
We distrust who we would be in the absence of our concerns, and we take refuge in our fears that unconsciously justify our hypothetical scenarios.
Distrust will only ever lead to more distrust, until one day you might ask
“How did I get here?”
I want to help you arrive at the opposite of that.
Your path is to ally the unknown.
align with the unknown here.
When we make decisions what we are really doing is choosing potential timelines.
We choose on the spectrum of deepening our understanding of self from the extremes of total comfort to absolute unknown.
There is truly no right or wrong path, unless you have been telling yourself there is.
On a spiritual level we often view this journey as seeking the soul.
Contrarily,
“Seek not to find your soul, but rather let your soul find you.”
- John O’ Donohue
Who is the real seeker?
The greatest gift you can offer yourself is to let go of the reigns from time to time.
When you create space for yourself, you allow your soul to find you as you realize that you were lost.
Being lost is beautiful because it means you can be found.
The problem is that we are stubborn and we hate admitting this.
But you cannot allow yourself to be found until you admit that you need help.
The unknown is your ally.
We try to understand logical futures that have not yet occurred, yet only the unknown can unravel these to you in your time.
So the better you join forces with the unknown, the better you can co-create the unknown.
Life is a Divine Collaboration.
You can do plenty, but you cannot do everything.
The divine can do everything, but can only do for you what it can do through you.
Learn more here.
Why is authenticity important in decision-making?
When we make pressured decisions we constrict the flow of life like the crimping of a hose.
For a time it seems to help us, but ultimately it leads to an even more uncontrollable event because the nature of the unknown which is your future cannot be controlled.
“Do not try to un-riddle or control the unknown, only with reverence and graciousness can the mysteries of the unknown unravel before you.”
- John O’ Donohue
The more we seek to control what we cannot control, the further we stray from where we truly desire to be.
The shape of your soul is different, and desires something completely unique to this world.
Do not let the limitations of your mind dwindle the innumerate potential paths that life can offer you.
Transcend these limitations here.
So,
stop trying to control everything and just let go
Clearly we need balance.
We cannot try to fully control future scenarios, nor can we give all of our agency away in hopes to have life done for us.
What is the middle ground?
The middle ground is to lean in more deeply to what you resist.
If you resist befriending the mystery, begin to familiarize yourself with her.
If you resist logic, begin to introduce base level needs to your thought process.
The magic lives on threshold between the mystery and the logical.
To stray too deeply into the mystery risks disenfranchisement, while remaining too rigid in logic prevents you from the living the life you didn’t know you desired.
Clarity dwells in the balance between the mystery of the future and the reality of the present.
Clarity leads to authenticity which creates confidence.
Confidence cultivates intimacy and connection.
Without balance, we lack access to these birthrights.
So let’s recap.
Decisions are perception based,
and we love to look for right and wrong.
Ultimatums only perpetuate this constrictive cycle.
To exit the cycle, one must befriend the mystery.
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