External Validation is Not Your Highest Timeline

External validation is counterfeit.

Temporarily, it may create a sense of safety…

but seeking external validation is not a long term solution to the inner void that is asking to be fulfilled.

The radical yet simple truth is this:

The outside-in approach at best only creates an illusory manifestation of what you truly deserve.

And you do deserve more than what you believe.

That belief is what is in your way.

“Am I doing this right?”

Such a tender, yet painful question.

We all want to be acknowledged and accepted, its innate within us.

The tragedy is our contemporary culture placing so much emphasis on how things should be done as opposed to celebrating what feels uniquely authentic for each individual.

‘Am I doing this right’ points toward two things.

1.      A Sense of self-doubt.

2.      A placement of greater value onto what others think of you, rather than what you think of you.

But at the core of this question is a deep tenderness, a gentle wound of the heart, that doesn’t fully know how to belong in this world.

Belonging is this world is a lifelong dance.

Sometimes it expressed as a challenge and other times it unfolds effortlessly.

You do belong, but doubting the sense of belonging that is your birthright goes hand in hand with not accepting yourself because of what you see around you.

Its amazing to have reference points of people you admire…

Teachers, mentors, family, etc…

but the sense of wanting to be accepted on the outside is an unconscious expression of the acceptance that you were never taught to cultivate on the inside.

Without that inner sense of acceptance for the uniqueness that you are, its easy to feel without direction in life.

The draw to attach to what others think of you grows.

The line between what you want and what other want of you blurs.

The struggle to know what feels authentic to you deepens.

These expressions are not inherently wrong or bad approaches to life.

They actually deeply prove your resilience to survive in physical and emotional environments that are turbulent.

Looking to others for approval is a safety mechanism that literally has kept you in a perceived sense of safety that led you to be here now.

Despite this pattern being outdated, it is worthy of acceptance and gratitude for all that it has done for you.

Accept your lack of self-acceptance.

Now, to understand how to cultivate full-bodied acceptance, lets map how we have gotten here.

Here is the non-linear progression of symptoms that I’m going to try to linearize.

1.      Self-acceptance was not cultivated to the degree you deserve.

2.      You seek outside yourself for approval.

3.      To some degree, this behavioral adaptation kept you safe when you needed it.

4.      You lost sight of authenticity in the seeking.

5.      “should” becomes a powerful word in your world.

6.      Higher importance is placed on being what others want you to be.

7.      Doing what makes others accept you creates a new unconscious pathway.

8.      Your default of abandoning yourself and people pleasing is established.

9.      Parts of you both physically, emotionally, and spiritually may start to atrophy.

10.   Your longing to be amplifies but is never transformed into belonging.

11.   Repeat the cycle.

The way through to accepting all that you are is to accept the most painful parts of the journey.

If we cannot make amends for ourselves and the patterns that have been created in our lives, we cannot move forward.

Without complete acceptance for what is real in your life right here and right now, there is no way forward.

When we hold resistance to accepting the hard-to-accept parts of ourselves, we only ever create more separation between who we are and who we want to be.

Accepting all that you are does not mean that you condone your behavior.

Acceptance is the energy that allows you to be completely present with all of your life so that you can move forward.

Acceptance is the gathering of all parts of you around the round table. The discussion cannot begin until all parties are present.

So all those monsters in the closet…

Invite them for a nice intimate dinner.

Accept each and every one of them.

And listen to what everyone at the table has to say…

The way forward that you’ve been looking for might just reveal itself to you in very unexpected ways.